(Reclaiming a desert into a forest by Atul Kulkarni)
A long time ago, there was a prince and his name was Rama.
This prince was just a boy, you see, but a boy with great
courage and mighty tasks ahead of him. He had to hear the stories of ones
before him and fix them. He could not become king if he was unable to help
these people and one of his three brothers would take his place.
Rama was eager to fix these stories and create peace in his
lands. His first story was Thataka's story. Thakata was a supernatural being
that wanders the land alone. She was the widow of a great demigod Sunda who
had passed away as payment for the destruction and harm he had caused to the
lands around him. It was a curse by a sage that killed him. The death of her husband by this sage made her infuriated.
She sought revenge for Sunda's death and went to the one who
had cursed him. Once she found the one that had cursed Sunda, she stormed into
his forest and declared revenge. Agasthya, the one who had caused Sunda's
death, met her challenge and then created a curse to plague her and her sons.
They were to fall from demigod status into demonhood and roam the lands until
Rama came to visit.
From that moment on, Thataka created a path of death and
destruction that killed everything in sight. It caused forests to become
deserts, lakes to dry up, and even the smallest of animals would not survive in her presence. She was preparing for this elusive "Rama" and would
be ready to crush him when he came.
Rama heard this story and decided that he must take on
Thataka at once. He summoned her into his presence and was surprised by what he
found: a woman who was tortured by the loss of her loved one and suffering from
years of demonhood. He instantly felt pity for her. He attempted to talk to her
about her loss and see if she would be willing to discover peace through
dialogue. Rama tried to help her leave behind the anger and hurt by speaking
softly to her, but the more he tried the more she got angry.
She started to attack him. First, she sent her two sons
after him. One by one, Rama shot them down with his arrows. Next, she made it
rain heavy boulders. Rama turned them into dust with one arrow at a time.
Finally, Thataka went after him herself. She put all of her sorrow and anger
into her attack and unfortunately, even that was not enough to defeat Rama.
Thakata used every attack that she had ever learned against him. Nothing
seemed to work and this exhausted her. All of the anger she put forth to
destroy Rama eventually destroyed her. He told her that she would be reunited
with Sunda as soon as she accepted the feelings she had been repressing. She
immediately gave into the sadness and hurt. Rama reassured her that everything
was going to be okay and she apologized for all of the pain she had caused. She
wept on his shoulder as the sadness, pain and heartache consumed her and took
her life.
Little did she know, Sunda had watched the entire thing from
above and was waiting for her when she died. They were finally together and
free from pain. Rama knew they were together because of what happened after she
had died.
Immediately after her death, the deserts became forests, the
lakes were back, and animals were happily roaming the land. It was as if time
had turned back and his job was complete. He had brought peace to the land by
helping Thakata. Her happiness restored the lands.
Rama felt guilt in killing the woman, but knew that it was
for the greater good. He knew deep down that she was once again with her
beloved Sunda as she should be and everything was okay.
With the first of his missions complete, Rama searched for
his next adventure.
Bibliography:
R.K. Narayan, The Ramayana: A Modern Prose Version of the Great Indian Epic (Penguin Books, 1977)
Christina,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I like how you are writing stories using characters and events from within the Ramayana. Your interpretation is much clearer than the original text, in my opinion. The expanded detail makes the characters more human. For example, actually describing Rama's thought process when he initially sees Thataka. I also like how you included the relevant sections of backstory for the characters in your story, it makes it so the story can stand alone, even if someone has not read the Ramayana.
Finally, I like how you have set yourself up to write more stories with Rama, there is a lot of great subject material to draw from. I also think having a continuous universe makes it easier to write.
My only suggestion for the future would be to take the same situation, but come up with modified names and backstories for the characters so you can put your own spin on the story.
I look forward to reading more of your work.
Andrew
Hi Christina,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story. A couple things drew me in from the start. I love the image you chose; it's very bright and clear, and the contrast between the scenes is dramatic and attention-grabbing. Your introduction to the story also interested me with how it reverts to Rama as a boy, making this start out as a childlike fairytale.
I also appreciated the detail you gave to Thataka's story. An undercurrent I noticed while reading The Ramayana is that evil characters are not necessarily one-dimensionally bad; it's more a result of the choices they've made given their circumstances. But even in cases like Thataka's, where there's a reason why she's the way she is, the empathy in the epic is limited. I liked how you brought out more of her pain and suffering in your story and gave it a sweeter end, where she's back with Sunda.
Christina,
ReplyDeleteYou really brought this story to life. In the original, Thataka was just a demon, and that was pretty much her whole character. You really fleshed her out as a person, showing the reasons why she became what she did. And I like how you accomplished this using Rama's pity for her, good technique!
I also like the twist you put on the Ramayana, will you be writing about his other two tasks in the coming weeks? Could be a cool storybook concept . . .
Christina,
ReplyDeleteLet me just say, I LOVED your story! You took the simple story of Thataka and expanded on it and made it even better, in my opinion. I really enjoyed your concept of breaking down the Ramayana into a series of tasks for Rama to complete before he could be crowned king. Great job! I will definitely be looking forward to reading more of your work!
Hi again Christina, it seems to me that you start of using what you want to do with cities environments and incorporate that into your story. I say that because you start of by saying Rama was eager to hear the stories before him and then fix these stories and create peace kind of like how you want to do with cities. I like how the story goes on and you explain what Rama does to create peace. Great story Christina!
ReplyDeleteThis idea of fixing stories is original and interesting! I love that Rama didn’t see Thataka as evil but as tortured and emotionally damaged. I read in your author’s note that you wanted to make Thataka’s character more complex, which I felt you did a really good job of! I hadn’t thought of the males’ hesitancy to harm women but now that you mention it, I can see it too.
ReplyDeleteGreat job on this story! I liked how you expanded the story of Thataka and thoroughly explained her torment. I like that you made it so Rama had to go through trials in order to become worthy of the throne, kind of like the labors of Hercules. You also did a great job in showing the human side of Rama by explaining that he felt remorse for killing, but he only did it for the greater good.
ReplyDeleteChristina,
ReplyDeleteGreat story! I want to read the next mission now! I really enjoyed the layout of your story I think it helps flow well. I think you did a great job with either explicitly explaining the characters or showing the character’s personalities through their reactions. The ending was wonderful, where the landscape changes from bleak to beautiful and the picture you chose illustrates that very well. Great job and thanks for the read!
I think this was a very refreshing story style. A lot of the stories that I read and write usually have some kind of gimmick, but you were able to retell a story in a traditional storytelling style and keep it interesting. I appreciate that you did not stray too far from the original version because you wanted to bring Thataka's character a deeper personality. You succeeded in bringer her this depth, which I felt was missing from the original. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI like how you initially laid out the story and switched it up a bit. I was upset that Rama was exiled in the original story and like that you changed it to where he left by choice to help his people. His quest to change stories makes your story more whimsical, too! Your story is very captivating and well written. It was very neat that the scenery returned to forests after her death. The picture you have at the beginning really comes to life at that point in the tale. At first, it seems a bit cruel that he killed her but it’s nice that it was for the best for everyone, even Thataka. I like that you didn’t really change the story up too much because it made it really easy for me to follow, since I’ve read the Ramayana as well. But the details you changed were very good.
ReplyDeleteHi again! So I have feedback for your portfolio. I loved reading your story once again, but I think you could add in some parts about Thataka's past. For example, you included a short paragraph about her status as a widow, and I personally think you could expand on this part to really make the reader feel her pain. In this way, you can really build up your story so that we can really feel how sad and lonely she is.
ReplyDeleteIn regards to formatting, I think the font choice, color, and size all worked appropriately. Also, your paragraph spacing kept a smooth visual flow, so I didn't feel overwhelmed by a whole block of text. I like the image you have at the beginning of the post. Did you make it yourself? Whether or not you made it yourself, I think additional images added throughout the story could help you create the feeling you want the reader to experience as he or she reads it.
Hope this was helpful!
Hey Christina!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I like how your site has very neutral colors. This gives you a chance to pic images that are very vibrant in color and they really pop amongst the browns of your site. You did a great job picking out an image for your story. I don't think there could have been a more perfect photo for this story. I like how you focused on Thataka. My favorite moment is at the very end of your story when you share how Rama knew that Thataka was finally reunited with her husband. I think this was a beautiful moment and I can imagine deserts that seemed dead come to life with the green forests and lakes and all of the animals that roamed the land once again. I also like how you left Rama looking for his next adventure. This gives a great transition into whichever story you decide to do next.
Great start to your portfolio! I really liked reading it. Your story reads a lot like a myth or, well, an Indian Epic. I think you did a great job with keeping in the same spirit as the original story. I also think you portrayed the characters and the story really well.
ReplyDeleteSomething I would reccomend is adding some lines of dialogue, perhaps. Dialogue is a great addition to a story, and is never a bad idea. Even if it is one line or so.
Anyways, great job. I look forward to reading the rest of your portfolio in the future.
Hey Christina!
ReplyDeleteI think this an awesome story. I thought that it flowed very well and was easy to read. I also have to comment on the picture at the beginning of the story, it is such a neat image and it really helps to grab the readers attention as it is situated at the top of the story! Good choice there.
I think that your take on the story, which is already inspiring, is very original while still sticking with a lot of the main points of the original. I love that you harped quite heavily on the fact that the men were hesitant to hurt the women because, especially at the time that this was written, women were not regarded as highly as men - very inspiring.
I thought you also did a fantastic job of including how the death of Sunda affected the family and how Thataka seemed to be left alone.
This was a cool story to read because I haven’t seen this side of Rama yet. He has always been a great warrior and a kind man, but everything we read on him is about his boyhood and the fourteen-year exile that he went through. I like being able to watch him help the needy in his soon to be kingdom. It seems as though Thataka went after Agasthya with no plan at all. She just waltzed into Agasthya’s forest and demanded to be repaid for her loss, but that isn’t a very bright thing to say to a sage that killed her husband. Death is a weird thing, especially when someone misses their loved one who is already dead as much as Thataka loves Sunda. She had to leave this world and some of the great things about it behind to be reunited with her husband, but then again there wasn’t a whole lot left for her here after Rama killed her sons. Great story!
ReplyDeleteHi Christina!
ReplyDeleteThe beautiful image caught my attention and I had to see how it was going to be related to your story. I don't recall reading the original story, so it is hard for me to compare how you may have done a better job of telling the story, which is what I gather from the other comments left by our peers.
I still love the story. It stands on its own as a great story. You used so many action words, descriptive words, that it painted a vivid picture and related a story that is very relatable. The power struggles that go on in the dynamics of relationships in life, and through the stages of life are a good metaphor for the destruction and conflict.
Overall, I did not see anything that I would change or could add upon. Great job! I have really enjoyed reading your stories in this class and in our last class together! Good luck in your future endeavors!
Christina,
ReplyDeleteThis story was full of despair but it was still beautiful. It was heart breaking the amount of loss that Thataka felt when he husband passed away. It was extremely kind of Rama to seek her out in desire to help her. I can imagine how distraught she must have been after his passing. Comparatively, as you mentioned in your author's note, it seemed her children were barely impacted by his passing. While the overall theme was sad, the ending had a bright light. Although her passing was also tragic it was bitter sweet that as her life ended her eternity being reunited with her husband began. I love that you have Rama completing all these physically and emotionally difficult tasks before he can become king. It would truly build his character and make him that much better as a ruler. It shows he has learned compassion and how to handle many different types of situations.
Christina,
ReplyDeleteThis was a wonderfully written story. The original story is very dark and upsetting and I thought that you did a great job outlining this and implementing that into your story. I have to take a moment to compliment your writing style. You write in a way that is very descriptive and very informative to the reader. I was really able to put myself in the shoes of the characters and I could feel what they feel. I think that you did a great job with the detail of Thakata’s story. There is a lot of meat to this story that is important to the flowing of the story. I thought that the picture you chose to go along with this story was a great choice and really set the scene for the rest of the story. I thought the entire story flowed excellently.
This is a very well written story, great job!
This story seems different than the other stories I have read from you. I think it has to do with the fact that the characters didn’t initially speak. It almost read like someone telling someone else the story. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, just different. I felt like it was so long ago when we read about Rama and Sita so I don’t automatically recall the story of Thataka, which makes your story all the better. I did enjoy the fact that Rama was sorry for having to kill a character, because most of the time when the hero has to kill someone he does not feel much remorse (unless it’s family). Great job!
ReplyDeleteHey Christina,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your story. It showed a lot of emotion. It seems like Rama tried to reason with Thataka before he took her life. Then he felt remorseful. I’m glad you displayed him in a positive matter because my views of him started to change drastically after watching the “Sita Sings the Blues” video. In regards to the format, I think you did a great job with the color choice and the shading of the background. The imagery of everything coming back to life was a good transition. The image of reclaiming the desert into the forest was very appropriate. The author’s note was very informative. It sounded like the boys were part of the reason of their parents demise. In the end it seems like Thataka was finally happy when she was reunited with Sunda. It was great reading your blog this semester and congratulations on being selected as a finalist!